There may be some of you out there in the world who aren’t familiar with how to behave at a sex party. Perhaps you’ve never been to one or maybe you just haven’t paid attention. There is no book on this – knowing this etiquette only comes from attending said sex parties enough times to pick everything up.
I’m not going to hazard a guess at how many of these gatherings I’ve been to, but suffice to say that it’s more times than I’ve paid taxes and had lunch, combined. I’ve picked up the deets and feel that if there were such a thing as a Miss Manners for orgies that I’d be a shoe in.
Enough with the qualifications. Here are some rules that must be obeyed. (and this is coming up because of a recent situation where the rules were not followed.
- Never come empty-handed. Best-case scenario is that you brings drugs to share, next best is that you bring your own. If not, at LEAST bring lubrication. That shit is expensive. If you don’t you’ll immediately be labeled as a freeloader and eventually be pushed out. If you can’t bring any of these, please stay at home.
- Bring some fun stuff, but DO NOT move in. Too many bags and too much stuff screams that you’re going to overstay your welcome.
- You have to fuck the host.
- No passing out for several hours.
- It’s perfectly ok to invite others, but you have to share.
It’s that last one that really fucked up the party I went to this weekend. The host started looking at Grindr and pointing out guys to the rest of us. We said yay or nay and later one of them showed up.
Now I had just finished breaking rule #4 and when I woke up, this new guy was there. He made a comment about my Prince Albert and said that he was looking at it while I was asleep. He was handsome and we definitely and our eyes met several times over the next few seconds.
At the first possible moment, I pounced on him and we went at it. We had a great connection and were having a good time. Meanwhile the host was pouting in the corner, breaking rule #5. The other guest was also pouting in his phone and wouldn’t look up for the rest of the night until I was getting ready to leave and offered to leave my pipe as I knew he didn’t have one. I never break any of the rules except #4 and always make up for it with kind gestures.
The rest of the night got weird. But in the end, the hot guy gave me his number and wants to get together again. Score one for the nice guy.