I have had my share of houseguests over the years. Mostly because I have always had a house, a job, food in the fridge and clean sheets. Some of the guests have stayed a bit longer than originally planned. More than once. This article is aimed at those who don’t seem to know how to behave at their host’s house. Mostly tweakers, true.
Rule #1: You have to help your host keep the house clean. Especially if you are a slob. Treat the host’s furniture and items with care. If your host is working (which he probably is since he has a place for you to stay) help out by cleaning up after him while he’s working. Pick up the mail, answer the door, assist him. You’re not doing anything else, just do it.
Rule #2: Don’t eat the host’s food. Unless you are invited, don’t start eating the host’s food. Go buy your own damn food. If you don’t have any money, get SNAP or other government assistance. Your host is NOT your food source. Offer to pay for 1/2 his grocery bill, bring in food to share. You should not expect your host to feed you every meal. This is a great way to build resentments. If you do eat food, don’t leave just a tiny bit of the thing in the container and put it back in the fridge. This is infuriating! Just eat it all but TELL THE HOST that you ate the last of it so he doesn’t get all pissed when he goes to look for it and finds it all gone.
Rule #3: Ask to use anything that belongs to the host. Don’t just go find the tape and use it, ask first. What’s his ISN’T yours and you should ask.
Rule #4: Clear and share all hookups with the host. Don’t invite anyone over that the host may know or may have past experience with. Be sure to get approval before inviting anyone into the house.
Rule #5: This really should go without saying, but unfortunately it must be said: DON’T FUCKING STEAL, BITCH. Yeah, most tweakers steal, BUT NOT FROM THEIR FUCKING FRIENDS. C’mon. Stealing is wrong. Stealing from your friends should be a capital offense.
Rule #6: Don’t get in his fucking way – if he works, stay away from the shower in the hours before he has to be at work. Notice when he does laundry and keep it open when he normally uses it. Have some fucking courtesy.
Rule #7: No fucking pets. Seriously.
I took my last stray last January. I won’t be having any more.